Back from dead?

I totally forgot I had this blog. Why would I have this blog? And is it open or private? Anyways, I've been writing a little on Tumblr but I really feel it's not a place to write. Just pictures. So tonight, I typed in blogger.com in the address field. Checked my dashboard, and found out about this blog.

I've come a long way. A very long way. Alhamdulillah. See, I knew everything would turn out fine eventually, and the future would be better all thanks to the past. What has made me what I am today : family & friends. I know it's cliche but God really sent help through them to get me through troubled waters. Thank You, Allah. Allahu akbar!

As I read through this blog, and my other post-breakup blogs, I realise that I write way better when I'm heartbroken. At least that's what I think. All the things I wrote...for the moment there I went, "did I really write this? Wow...just wow."

Right now I try to metaphorically keep my heart in a jar and let it stay there until someone sweeps me off my feet with ijab qabul (marriage). But, being human, I sometimes do act emotionally rather than rationally. But I'll keep on trying. It's the only ideal way. I used to look at people who practice this method quite oddly. I would have my reason. "If we can control our feelings and act as friends, I don't see why we can't be a couple."

Believe it or not, you just can't control your feelings. At the end of the day, you often find yourself smiling - sometimes to the extent of fantasizing. Astaghfirullahal'azim.

I do care for someone, but I guess I'll try as hard as I can to only care as a friend. I will not try to look after him, ask his well-being too much and too often, and record his every move. And most importantly, I'll try as hard as I can not to get jealous.

I want him...for the sake of Allah - because I believe he can guide me. With him, I'm a better person.

Insya Allah, if he's the one for me, I'll love him with all my heart - for the sake of Allah.