Saturday, September 6, 2014

Just gotta blog this out

Yesterday my SO called, bearing with him news that I would not have expected in a million years. Okay, exaggerated there - but I guess that's how I felt at that time. His niece who was only 10 months coming 11 passed away yesterday morning. Peacefully. Masya Allah. Not only was she a toddler and guaranteed paradise, but also she died in her sleep. Ya Allah. How lucky are her parents!

I cried and cried. Mostly because of the overwhelmingly sad ambiance around the house, but one thing for sure I cried because I didn't get the chance to get to know her and love her. I believed I would get the chance when she was bigger.

I've always believed I start to fall in love, really fall in love with a kid when they have the ability to respond - communicate with me. 

When the news was delivered, all my senses failed me, my mind blown. What my SO said after that passed right through my head.

Aisya, you were special. You were unique. You will be missed, little angel. I can tell your Uwa loves you so much. You guys were close. Aisya, please look for us in Jannah. =')

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Self-reflecting

A couple days ago, I kinda had a little dispute with my SO, and I was being childish for not getting things my way. And now it got me thinking. It was, yes, rather childish and also selfish of me. I wanted equality, without considering our situations. As for now, his situation and mine are different.

It saddened me once the light dawned on me. I saddened me. I disappointed me. I..felt very sad that I hurt his feelings just because he said something that was right, and I could not accept it. And I wanted something just as hurtful said back to him.

I regret it. I talked without thinking. And now, I regret it.

I need this space. This distance. I was a fool. I acted stupid.

And yes, this is very 'un-Islamic' of me.

='(

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Buruk sangka

In general, assumptions are not a good thing, especially if they are bad ones. Worse is when you believe and confirm those assumptions without even checking if they are true or not. It's a virus. It's a poison. Believing in instincts. It's almost like a sin.

Bad assumptions can kill a relationship. Frankly, this is how I lost my best friend. Sometimes, a person is totally innocent - but because of someone's negative mind, he or she can be a victim of coldness, bitterness and the falling out of a relationship.

I guess I've already talked about this before. I just wish people would really - REALLY and TRULY - realise how deadly bad assumptions can turn out to be. How killing, how sinful, how degrading. It is really one bad thing. I can't stress enough how awful bad assumptions are. And then, to know that someone you're so close with, someone you care, love all your life, has bad assumptions about you, is really disappointing. What's worse is, they BELIEVE those assumptions without clarifying them.

It's offending because 1. they think badly of you, and 2. they don't check with you. They don't come to you. They just confirm these assumptions based on what they THINK they see.

I follow two simple ways to get rid of bad assumptions.

1. Brush them off. (at minimal level)
2. Check with whom you have bad assumptions about. (at disturbing level)

But never ever believe them without checking. If they are not true (and it's just your mind playing tricks on you, or influence from others), it becomes a sin.

Be ware.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

EZIO-ed. Again

I know well enough that if I want to keep my mind off things, I'll start playing games. I wish I would go for something more productive, you know, if I decide to do something time-consuming. Say, running? Ah well.

Last time during my download-every-game-possible phase, I downloaded Assassin's Creed II. It was fun, VERY fun. I'd go all day. After that I downloaded AC : Brotherhood. I started playing it, but I remember the control was a bit different from what I was used to when playing AC2. So I didn't continue playing.

Last few days, when it was a week left till L had to go back to Knowledge Land, I needed to distract myself from sobbing around about. Usually I'd go my schoolwork but I was going through applications on Launchpad, and accidentally clicked Brotherhood. First try, it opened! Usually, it failed to open. I had to reopen over and over again. So that's clearly a sign to give Ezio another chance, right?


One of the Subject 16 side quests


Carrying bodies 'cos I got THAT much of free time

And putting them in one place. Hey! They tried to gang-kill me.


A memory quest. I have to collect my family's bodies that were hung to death in AC2. Heavy stuff



Sunday, February 3, 2013

Only time...

I enjoy it when he's around, or when I'm around (which can only happen ever so often), but as enjoyable as it may be, I kinda prefer being apart. That way, we can carry on with our everyday lives. Let's face it, being in a relationship and that's all that is, is really tiring. At this age, we all just wish we could skip all that and get married right away. However, due to different phases of life both of us are in, that is all we can manage right now.

I'm thankful nonetheless, and so far Allah has made it easy for the two of us. And once he's back again in a different continent, longing feelings aside, we'll be putting all this back on halt. Just when feelings get serious, they get put back at bay.

I like it that way. =)

But hopefully next time around, there's no more going back to hiatus or sleep. Insya Allah. Let's pray بسهولة الأمور له و لي. أمين يا الله 

Thursday, November 22, 2012

November thoughts

This is the third November since I started with my job in '10, so I'm pretty much in the know of what to expect of November. There'll be many events and activities going on in November, and you'll be given tasks to do to help with all of them. You'll be busy. Tasks on top of tasks. Major and minor ones. You gotta know how to manage time. Can't panic. Be organised.

In my first year, I remember having no time at all doing everything else when I only devoted my time on one task. As a result, I had to rush through the other stuff like a maniac, cursing anything curse-able like it was their fault I ran out of time. It was terrible. And then in December, I had to work again - hectic hours almost every day. Good thing I had to only work half days. Not good. Barely made ends meet. Job - terribly done.

In my second year, I began to be able to do many tasks, but still some minor tasks (you know, postponed ones) got ignored. I managed to finish tasks merely before deadlines, but I forgot about other tasks that I had put aside. Grrreeattt. Just great.

In my third year, I have slowly begun to understand what was important but didn't look like it mattered. I began to jot down things that matter only at a later time. I bought a book dedicated especially for things to do. And when I'm done with them, I'll just tick the boxes. Believe me, this book has made my life wayyyy easier. All little things that almost don't matter, I just put them on the to-do book. So that in my spare time, as I flick through the pages, I'll remember them and do them right away.

Having all the things on the list done and ticked is just an unexplainable achievement and pleasure to me. I feel successful!

So what I've learned in my third year :
  • Be organised
  • Jot everything down
  • Don't whine. (of course~)
Being organised includes a lot of things. For one, always tidy up your work desk. Throw away things that you don't need anymore. This includes exercise papers, memos, etc. And - never keep extra papers. Like for instance, you copy more than needed test papers and naturally you have extras. In my previous years, I'll keep them until I create an unnecessary pile. I hate how it takes up so much space. So sometimes every once in a while, perhaps every three months or less, I do a little spring cleaning.

  • Only make copies according to the number of students you have. If you have 39 students, make copies for 39 students. Don't round up and make it an even 40.
  • DO NOT HOARD. Throw, just throw away.
  • Divide your papers into categories. Being in this job surrounds you with lots of different kinds of papers. Memos, official letters, personal ones, student-related papers, etc etc. Don't stack them up in one pile. You'll be older way more quickly! (In other words, you get stressed out, depressed, unhappy, and without realising it you've gotten older quicker.) Sort sort sort!
I made this entry like, two weeks ago and now I'm almost done with November! One more big event to go, and I'm done! Insya Allah. It's been a hectic month, as per anticipated, but I managed to survive through it - finished my school-related work way before the hectic-ness began. So it was all good. I haven't had my table for more than a month now so it is pretty hard to do work at my place. But still, Alhamdulillah, I managed. No stress.

Well, half-lie. There was tension built up here and there, and what disappointed me about it was that it didn't come from me. Other people kept complaining. Why - WHY OH WHY - ruin people's mood by sharing your negative vibes like that? I mean, I've tried to be positive and it was working, but other people had to be cranky about everything. Go home! Don't work. Be a housewife. Atupun kalau keraja atu inda merungut jua. Mun housewife pun merungut. Kawintah sama raja.

Be thankful, please? Even a tiny bit. Please??

So work is fun, if you set your mind like that. Except for people who ruin your mood like this, everything is just great! Lillahi ta'ala. =)

Alhamdulillah.

Semoga urusan ketani selalu saja dipermudahkan oleh Allah SWT. Amin.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012



A friend of mine said to me before,
katanya inda baik becinta sebelum kawin.
i never used to agree. as long as we know
our limits, i think everything should
be okay kan.
over time, i began to see..
it's not about that. it's more than we can see
it's troubles like what happened recently
yang menjadi reason sebenar why
it's bad utk bercinta before kawin.
we're not officially married yet
to make compromises
but at the same time we're too
attached sudah to break it off
& call it quit.we've all been doing
this the wrong way.

this is what i've been thinking